“I’ll Twitter until the prison takes my phone away.” – Lizzy Borden
Today (Thursday, Sept. 24) my American friend Lizzy Borden a/k/a Janet Romano goes to jail for a year for making porno the government doesn’t want you to see.
That’s right porn!
Not growing weed.
Not selling marijuana over the internet.
Not shipping marijuana seeds over the internet.
No, Lizzy is going to jail for making adult movies where girls get nekkid to do stuff that’s hot.
Its taken seven years for the feds to put Ms. Borden behind bars.
We met via mutual friend Matt Zane. Though never in person.
She’s married to Rob Black, but she asked to marry me one night via AIM.
After accepting by calling her a dirty polagymist I suggested she would have to move to Canada where it appears polygmy might be legal.
Lizzy Borden made Bongsluts.
Though I didn’t force her to drink filthy bong water, she almost did that herself one night during an editing session. Reaching for the bottle of water, the stoned Lizzy Borden actually grabbed her bong to take a sip.
Hilarious.
She reps Beverly Hills Hash Mob.
And spokesmodeled for Up In Smoke Cafe in Hamilton.
Back in the day.
Before all the cannabis charges and Goodwin went to jail.
See her DEA photo with pot pipe on her site.
And we sent her ribbed for her pleasure pot pipe.
Lizzy is a hippie sweetie with a good natured troublemaker side.
For my 30th birthday she sent her opus of movies.
Including her Xtreme Pro Wrestling stuff.
However Canada Customs kept the massive porno package.
Allowed their drug dog to piss all over the movies then sent the package back to Extreme Associates’s office.
Where I’m told it really, really, stank up the office.
And these are people used to odd smells.
But the RCMP didn’t show up to my home and put me in jail.
Weirdly, the same prosecutor Mary Beth Buchanan who busted Tommy Chong for selling bongs with his likeness and put him away for a year is the exact same prosecutor who nailed Lizzy.
And not in a sexual way.
Basically during George Bush II reign a one women cultural war on potheads and porn stars commenced.
Much like Tommy Chong bust, a narc pig bastard in Pennsalvania purchased some of Lizzy Borden’s videos via the Internet (which have mock realism worst than supposed reality TV) and then charged her.
Like all my great friends, Lizzy opted to fight the charges with creative legal manuvering.
Unlike that coward Tommy Chong who pleaded out.
Her lawyer argued her movies were pornographic, but because porno is legal in the privacy of someone’s home, she was allowed to traffic in porn.
The fed’s didn’t expect this argument.

And Lizzy Borden’s legal team won!

However, the brilliant legal arguing resulted in nearly bankrupting her.
Like what happens to a busted marijuana grower she becamae unwanted in her community.
The feds appealed and appealed some more.
Her last vestige of appeal was the Supreme Court of the USA!
But unable to continue the court battle she pled guilty with a sentence of year.
Ms. Buchanan stated, “These prison sentences affirm the need to continue to protect the public from obscene, lewd, lascivious or filthy material, the production of which degrades all of us.”
I don’t feel less degraded, just sad.
Next week an ode to marijuana seed seller and dear friend Marc Emery.